Wishful Thinking

Steven made a deal with Ashley tonight. If she potty-trains Sydney, we will pay her the cost of a month of diapers. Her eyeballs were as wide as saucers.

I pointed her in the direction of the What to Expect book's potty training section. Any bets on how long it takes her to realize she's getting totally gypped?

Not to Join All the Other Posts, But...

This was just too good for a post not to pass up.

Yesterday evening, as we were finishing up dinner, or rather, as the kids were grumbling over their enchiladas as Steven and I were done cleaning the kitchen, I sat down at the computer and loaded up my facebook page. The very first thing I was was status after status about Michael Jackson.

I was surprised. Not shocked, because I believe it was inevitable, but definitely not what I was expecting when I turned on my moniter. I told Steven and my mom, " Oh my Gosh! Michael Jackson died!"

Jacob said, "Really? Just like Elvis!"

And Christopher quipped up, "Yeah! And Jesus too!"

Sometimes it Just Sucks

Lots of posts this week, I know! I'm on a roll, but today, I just need some therapy. Or maybe a nice loud long scream outside. I started this blog as an attempt to find humor in my often overwhelming life, and usually it's fairly easy, but today, well, not so much.

Did I mention yesterday in my list of milestones that she can now get whatever she wants off the kitchen counters? Not that she can reach, but she's gotten resourceful. Her play kitchen that sits against the wall on the other side of the bar is now a ladder. But that's the ladder of last resort, because if she can time it just right, she can catch the stepstool being left out by one of her responsible older siblings. And even better than that? Mama, who was busy off doing something else (*cough facebook cough*), left her newly opened can of Dr Pepper safely on the counter. I can just see her little eyes light up too. "Hot Dog, this is my chance!"

Did I mention the floor was just mopped yesterday afternoon?

Did I mention this was ten minutes after I found the dog up on the table eating someone's breakfast? And that breakfast was his left over enchiladas from dinner and tantrum last night? And that that someone was the one who left out the stool?

She came running out from her room with the biggest smile and holding the now empty can out towards me. She was proud.

I could have cried. But don't worry, the carpet is safe. She got it all dumped onto the kitchen floor where is was quickly drying into a gross sticky mess.

Sometimes, there's not much humor to be found. Sometimes, only a sassy, witchy post will do. Sometimes it just sucks.

A 22/23 Month Old's Milestones

Every so often I check online and in my what to expect books to make sure my little one is growing and developing on schedule. She's been driving me nuts lately, and it's been awhile, so I pulled it out today to examine, and I thought you might like to know how well she's been doing!

According to the books, she should be able to:
1. take off an article of clothing
does a diaper/pull up count as clothing? B/c her desire to be naked is increasing daily.

2. Feed a doll
She's more interested in shoving her play french fries down mama's throat, but Ok.

3. Build a tower of 4 cubes
or terrorize the kids who can

4. identify 2 items in a picture by pointing and naming
as long as she doesn't have to name "mama"

5. throw a ball overhand
even the ones on the skeeball machines

6. speak and be understood half the time
well, she can sure speak, and she can sure be understood. But I'm thinking these are two different things

7. jump up
right after she climbs up unassisted on the trampoline

8. Put on an article of clothing
especially her shoes, right before she waves to me, tells me bye, and walks out of the house.

9. draw a vertical line in imitation
she can sure draw lines--in both directions, all over her body!

They also say "The toddler stage is characterized by much growth and change, mood swings, and some negativity."
Uh, Ya THINK?

They do not mention the milestones of:

1. opening doors, regardless of the type of door/knob (including the fridge)
2. climbing on everything making it necessary to remove her baby crib *sniff*
3. turning down fruit loops in favor of the crab meat she discovered in the meat drawer
4. jumping off the diving board in the pool, and the need of floaties because of her tendency to scream every time someone comes close to her in the pool
5. singing the songs and repeating many lines with the movie Little Mermaid


I am amazed and disturbed at the same time. The tantrums, which, trust me, aren't bad tantrums yet, are becoming more and more frequent. And it's all over "Give me what I want NOW" types of issues. She wants to do what the older kids do, exactly the same way they do it, when they do it, and wants no help doing it, either. She screams when she can't get it, she screams when you offer help b/c she doesn't want it, she screams when she doesn't get what she wants, she screams when she does get it and she wants more, do I even need to go on?

Luckily, when I have had enough, I can say, "Oh, Ashley! Come play with your sister for awhile. I need a break!" And she does. Or even better, "Oh Ashely! I bet Syd's diaper needs changing. Can you take care of that for me please?" (As is the case right now...as I suspected that maybe there might be a poo?) I don't know how anyone ever made it through their first several babies without an older child around to help. Wow!

I will say this, though. As big as she's getting, and as much as she is NOT a baby anymore, she still climbs up in my lap for snuggles and rocking to sleep. And as much as she will NOT say my name (mama), she still loves me more than anyone else, including her beloved daddy. Yeppers. A mama's girl!

HELP!!

Hypothetically speaking, what would you do?

Say you have a ten year old-ish daughter. And that daughter is sort of a klepto. As in keeps sneaking food out of the kitchen, and hiding it in her room. And this is a recurring problem. What would the natural consequences be? I'm all for creative punishments, but so far, I haven't found one to teach her to withdraw her sticky fingers. So, I'm looking for fresh ideas. Anyone?

And speaking of fresh...let's say that same sticky fingered kid is enamoured with pretty things. Pretty girly things. Unfortunately that child, in her snooping adventures, has come across some girly undies. The lingerie variety with...yeah...anyway. Just call it girlie. And once again, this is a recurring thing. The first time or two, her mother just told her to NEVER EVER EVER take her crap again or else. But, well, tonight her daddy found a racey pair she'd stolen...yet again.

This girl does know the facts of life. So at what point do ya just say, Ok, do ya realize WHAT you're stealing here? Don't ya know what that's for? Your PARENTS have "broken" that in and you want it?

How the heck do ya get through the thick skull without padlocking it all?

Ok, yeah, ideas Please!!!

You Know You're A Bad Mom When

you wake up in the morning--1 hour before swim lessons start--realize everyone is still sleeping, think "Pfffttt...he can miss one day, he won't even realize it" (since they only run two days a week), and roll over and go back to sleep.

What makes this so bad, is that when the child does eventually roll out of bed, he beelines straight for you and says, "Let's go to Swim lessons! I'm ready!" And a quick glance at the clock tells you that all the kids are getting OUT of the pool at that minute, and your broken hearted child starts bawling.

He wanted to go to swim lessons.

Bad. Bad Mom.

SuperSize

I totally have been a sucky blogger lately, I know. Kids are home for the summer, and I've really got no excuse, except I just haven't. So, in the interest of doing some catch, I'm going to give you a supersize post of some pictures of what we've been up to. Prepare for a barrage of total cuteness!! (Ahem, from the KIDS, I mean, but if you think I'm cute too, well, I won't argue.)

Kids had me sitting at the school THREE days in a row, Outside with a 20 month old, for their field days. Their grades were all staggered in such a way, that lucky me had a kid scheduled on every single day! Awesome mom I am sat out there and endured enjoyed each one. They enjoyed it too.

At the end of each field day, they play water games. The younger grades consist of the teacher squeezing sponges on each kids head, which they loved. By the end of the third day, the squid had had enough. She was tired of seeing all the kids get wet and have fun and not being able to join in herself. So she'd scoot as close as she could get to each kid as it was their turn to get sponged, and finally, we just stuck her in. She was soaked and happy!


We went off to the BR to go on a hot date about two weeks ago. Actually, we had a friend who was getting ready to go to JAMAICA to get married on the beach privately, and instead of a reception, they had a send off party that was a BLAST. My dad, in his infinite wisdom, decided my minivan wasn't hot enough for the date (that or maybe he thought it was TOO hot for a date?) and sent us off in this:

My favorite photo caption was "2 Hawt People in 1 Hawt car." Steven agreed. Top down, cruisin down the interstate, no kids, and Kenny blaring on the radio...the only thing to make that moment perfect would have been a beach along side the road, rather than the trees. Boring!

We had some great babysitters while we were gone--and the kids had a blast too. Swimming, getting whatever they wanted to eat, no parents around to tell them no...could life get better for them?




We also hit my cousin's wedding. We got rid of all the kids on night--thanks to all the friends I pawned them off on!--and went drove out to his rehearsal. I was given the honor of reading a scripture during the wedding, and the entire thing was so beautiful. My kids had a blast at the wedding, and I was amazed at how well behaved they were! Of course it helps when there is a live band to dance to, a kids table complete with bubbles, crayons, suckers and fancy cupcakes. They were in heaven!

We crashed a friends crawfish boil one evening, and can I say...YUM!! The girls had a blast, and poor little squid, she just doesn't have enough interaction with other little girls her age. She was in heaven!



Jake had a class field trip at the end of school, and the highlight of the day? Taking a picture of my son holding...get this...$20,000 Cash! See the excitement on his face? Yeah. The dude at the bank asked the class what they could do with that much money, and all the kids were all, "We could buy a HOUSE!" And my son, genius that he is, spoke up. "NO! That's not enough for a house. But it's enough for a POOL!"

That's my boy. Now if he could've just snuck it out, maybe I'd have that pool too.

One more brag about him: UNDEFEATED in Baseball! Champs of the Pitching Machine! Whoo Hoo! They were freaking AWESOME!


And another brag: kid got honor roll for the entire year. Again! His reward was a mommy date, which, even though he looks like he's a little in pain here, he actually loved. We saw the Monsters vs. Aliens in 3D--total FUN! But then I made him go shopping for clothes...and he had to actually try them on. He's a total Boy alright...HATED every minute of it!
I don't remember where we were going here, but the kids were so adorable!


So the absolute highlight was that Steven and I "snuck" away for the weekend to San Antonio. We had planned just a relaxing weekend, with "nothing" in particular to do, except be "lazy." (Ahem, we are married, people! And not old either!) We decided at the last minute not to take two cars to my mom's house--the plan was to drive them both to Houston, leave the van there for her to use for the kids, and us take Steven's car on the trip so we wouldn't have to take a minivan on our date weekend. Who wants to DATE in a minivan? But we decided it was more pain than it was worth, so we took the stinkin van. We also decided at the last minute to go to Schlitterbahn! Can I say, TOTAL FUN??

Two Hawt Folks + minivan + water park = NOT OLD!!

Trust Me.

I tried to scan our schlitterbahn pic of us in our hats, but the stupid thing wouldn't work on this computer, and we have a lovely virus on the other, so I'll have to get that one out later. And all our other water park pics are on a boring waterproof film camera, so those'll have to come later too. But Schlitterbahn - Kids = FREAKING AWESOME!!!!!! I'm ready to go again. Anyone up for a kidless trip?

We did hit the riverwalk. Our hotel was close, but not right on it. Close enough to walk, far enough to wear us totally out. And get all nasty sweaty. It was fun, but not schlitterbahn fun. We should've hit Sea World instead.

Did you know they have CVS on the riverwalk? I didn't!
Steven's suggested caption: "Laura at CVS with NO coupons"
My suggested caption: "One Hawt CVSer!"
Should we take a vote? I think so. Poll on the side bar! GO TAKE!


Me at the Alamo. The only pics I have of hubs are BAD, so I figure he probably didn't really want them on here. He was happier taking pics at the park, than here.


Summer has been busy, relaxing, lazy and super fun so far! I'm hoping it stays that way! B/c although I'm one less kid for the next week, we have dance recital rehearsals every single day of that week, along with the actual show, and loads of stuff to do to get ready! Yikes!!

A Crispy Waffle

I was so proud of my son this morning. He decided to make waffles for everyone for breakfast all by himself! I was sitting in my room when I overheard this from the kitchen:

Jake: Waffles are Done!!

Ashley: I don't want one.

Jake: Yeah, you probably don't, because yours is burnt.

I am about to die laughing!

Isn't it Ironic?

Don't ya think?

When the kids get up
and dressed at 6 a.m.
on their first day
of summer va-ca
after major fights
all the rest of the year

And who would have thought?
It figures...

A Happy Mommy

I am loving the guesses I'm getting over the funky list I gave yall. My favorite, hands down, was that it's a list of what I will pack on my next cruise. Because I NEED to pack screwdrivers, aquafresh whitening thingys and a clay covered lightbulb! Those are absolute must haves when I'm lounging on the deck of a ship in the sun, wearing my bathing suit and being mistaken for a 19-20 year old! I kid you not, my favorite lounge spot happened to be shared by a couple somewhat older than me, and once we got to talking and he found out how domesticated I really am, the dude said, (exact quote here, folks, NOT my words) "You're not young; You're an OLD bitch!" Frankly, that compliment was the highlight of my day!

Ok, so no, the list is NOT what I will be packing on my next cruise. It's actually a list of items I found when cleaning out my daughter's room on Friday. Don't ask me why she had them, or what their purpose may have been with them. As for my clothes, I can only guess that she likes "old b@$th" clothes, because to say she swiped them b/c she wants to be like mom would totally contradict the rest of her behavior, namely that I know nothing. "Duh, mom!"

I, very clearly and calmnly stated to her that this will not happen again. The two and a half garbage bags of trash I threw away will not happen either. I will be on her like mud on crawfish. I understand dirty clothes, shoes, books and toys being thrown around, but that is it. Lucky for her, and the rest of my children, my patience with them has returned. That's actually not sarcasm! And the feeling in our house overall has dramatically changed with it's appearance also. Cause if mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy.

Just say a prayer for me that this holds up over the summer, when we are all holed up together for weeks! I think maybe I should start looking ahead to that next cruise now!

A Game For You

Let's have a guessing game. Who can tell me what all these things have in common? (Nina, you don't count!)

Air pump
pill box
swimsuit coverup
my underwear
my green camisole
screwdrivers
my ipod
my new nail polish
a pile of Forbes magazines
a pile of Womans Day magazines
a Victoria Secret Catalog
a Home Finder book
Aquafresh whitening trays
a lightbulb covered in yellow and pink clay.

First one who gets it MIGHT get a prize...if I ever get around to it...and I don't have to mail it out!

Need creative discipline ideas...Any Suggestions?

Yesterday afternoon, I set about the task of molding my children into responsible people. I gave Jake a heaping basket of towels/washcloths to fold, which he did. Quite well, too, I might add. I was a super proud mom. Once he got done putting them away, he got to go outside for the afternoon to play, and he got to try to beat me at Uno after dinner last night too. (Don't worry, I retained my title of Uno Queen.)

I have the inlaws coming tomorrow, so I'm doing some cleaning today. Sucks, but it's gotta get done. I went into the kids bathroom to collect the dirty clothes out of the hamper, and does anyone want to guess at what I found?

YEAH!! The entire load of FOLDED towels had been dumped into the dirty clothes hamper! Unfolded! Mixed up with the dirty clothes and towels!

The little lazybum left them there for me to try to sort out the clean from the dirty! I had to give up and am now washing them again.

If you happen to wander past my house this afternoon, you might want to cover your ears. I really don't need any witnesses.

Cute Cheerleader

We have been so super busy here lately, which I guess shouldn't surprise me. I do have four kiddos--I'm bound to be a busy mama. Only two kids are in activities, but really, between them I run in crazy circles most afternoons!

Luckily the squid is a super easy car rider, and is very patient with me. We've spent so much time at the ball park that she's trying to play herself. She LOVES balls, and manages to collect a new one every time we go to the grocery store. She's pretty talented in the screaming-BALL-BALL-BALLLLLLL!!!-at-the-top-of-her-lungs-in-the-cutest-fashion-ever department. And the thank-you-for-the-ball-I-don't-need-mama hugs are the sweetest. So who could resist that?

She saw the baseball a few weeks ago and realized that there was a ball she couldn't have, which was NOT cool at all. So me, being the awesomely patient mommy that I am, sat her in my lap and held her down so she couldn't squirm off, and pointed out that the boy was going to hit the ball with the stick. So when we all cheered when he got a hit, she decided the big boys could play with her ball afterall, and enthusiastically cheered with me. So cute, my 20 month old clapping and yelling YAAAYYY in her super cute way. And when we got another hit, and it was a home run, the clapping turned into hollering. "Whooooooooo!" At which point, the princess squeals "EEEHHHHH!" Let me tell you all, she was ON. FIRE!! Little Cheerleader! Totally in charge.

I recently took down her baby crib. Yeah, big moment for me. The very last time ever I will take down the crib for one of my babies. (No tissues necessary, thank you very much!) She is a little climbing fool, and can even climb up on the big trampoline outside without any sort of chair or stool to stand up on. Yikes! So into a toddler bed she went--WELL before I was ready for such a step for her. Besides what it means, symbolically, that my baby is not a baby, it means lots and lots of training to learn to stay in the bed. Do I have that patience?

We've settled into a routine of reading a book, saying a prayer, and then she climbs in and lays down, holds out her little arms and says, "Sweet" (which means hug) and then her little "Ni-Ni" to me. Love it! I turn on the nightlight, off the big light, and settle into her rocking chair with my PDA to play solitare and try my darndest to ignore her cuteness while she tries to go to sleep.

Tonight, she had a hard time settling down. And I had a harder time ignoring her. She talked to her baby, and kissed her baby's nose, and love it and babbled to it like it was a real person. Then I started hearing this:

Zumubici-ball-samuzubu. EEEEEEHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!

With her clapping, and I realize she is pretending to watch a ball game with her baby! At twenty months old!

It's so FREAKING CUTE!!!! And I'm such a sap, I have no idea how to handle all the cuteness! But then, if you had the cutest princess ever in your house, well, you'd not know how to handle it either. So the laugh that escaped me (which unfortunately gave her the attention she really wanted from me) was totally excuseable, and I'm sure I've undone all the progress I've made with her.

Darn cuteness.

Sweet Surprises

It's not that bad that she pooed when I wasn't around. So that when I found her a few minutes later, she reeked.

It's not bad enough that after pooing, she decided to sit on the floor and stick her chubby little hand up the leg of her diaper and play in it.

It's not even bad enough that she painted her legs and feet with the disgusting greenish brown fecal matter. Or the carpet either.

She was given good praise for letting me wipe and scrub her legs to rid them of the dried, caked on crap. She was praised for sitting patiently and letting me scour her arms and hands.

But when it came to her fingers? It then became a game and necessary to chase her down, bear hug her wiggling, protesting little body in my lap and clip those little fingernails to rid them of the underlying poop.

Life smelled better from here.

Relaxed, Refreshed and Ready to Go

Sort of. I've been home since Thursday night, and I've yet to run the first load of laundry. I think I left my energy in Mexico. I may have to go back to get it.