My Perfect Child

Well, sometimes anyway. Tonight was NOT one of his finer evenings. He was fine this afternoon. He even volunteered to set the table, and proceeded to set it in his little five year old manner: no napkins, plates or cups, but everyone sure had a big ol tablespoon to eat their pot roast with! And he was so pleased too, until he sat down and realized he actually had to EAT the stuff! He said "no broccoli. no carrots. I don't want it!" Well, being the good parent that I am, I insisted he needed to eat all of ONE BITE of each. I know, I know. What was I thinking? How on earth could I be so mean as to expect my child to get ONE bite of nutrition? I didn't get my way either. You know the expression, "bad cop, good cop?" That was us. Steven was the bad one and I was the good one. He'd fuss at Christopher and make him sit back down at the table, which would make him cry. So then I'd come over all, "here, let mama help you baby." He even turned down ICE CREAM!! Over ONE BITE OF VEGGIES!!!

And you know what the little booger did? The second we turned our heads, he dumped his plate in the garbage!! He said "I'm finished!!" in a loud sing-song, proud voice. As if we couldn't find the evidence...

So I did my good parent research. How in the world do you make a picky eater eat?
Here is what I have found so far.

1. Pair vegetable with something your child loves.
cheese? peanut butter?? carrot muffins? They actually suggested you hide the broccoli under some grated parmesan cheese. And that peanut butter would make the celery more appealing. And of course, my favorite: make them some carrot muffins--from scratch of course.
Do these people actually have kids?? Because no child I know is going to be fooled by these little tricks. (Except maybe the carrot muffins, but who has time for that??)

2. Include your kids in the prep work.
My kids love to cook with me. They love to cook anything. Spaghetti, cookies, rice a roni, macaroni and cheese, scrambled eggs, and even helping me stir fry green beans! (which were way yummy, by the way) Is this supposed to make them eager to EAT the crap they cook? Seriously. Not mine. They even suggested you have them GROW their own veggies so they will be excited to eat them. HA HA HA. We had a more cherry tomatoes that year than we could give away. The excitement level was so high that we grew them. But I swear, not one tomato passed those lips.

3. Institute the one bite rule. Ha Ha. Good luck with that one. That was my problem tonight!

4. Don't use bribes or threats. They will tell us to reward positive behavior (aka bribe) but isn't eating your veggies positive?? What kid wants to eat his broccoli without the great prospect of ice cream? What fun is that? As Ashley would say, "Pooper Scooper." (Yep, her version of bummer)

So I have decided that these so-called experts are just full of it. They don't have kids (at least not normal ones), they don't have a life, and they apparently have never even babysat to know how a little booger's brain works.

So I am asking Real people: Help!!!!!