Broken and Lost

2 recent stories to catch up:

Broken: So the other night, I was hanging out with the kids--no hubby, sent him to the store. Anyway, so it was getting about bedtime, and the boys were running wild. I, however, just let them run off some of their energy. Not like that would get them in the bed any easier--it probably would have made it harder. Except then I heard Christopher SCREAMING. It was actually kind of funny. Christopher came walking SLOWLY into the computer room crying while Jacob followed him, trying to talk over his screaming saying "I need to tell you what happened." Need? Yeah, he just needed to make sure to put his spin on it so he didn't get in trouble. lol. Anyway, I never did figure out what happened exactly, but here's the conversation:

Me: What happened booger?
C: I hurt.
Me: Where do you hurt?
C: Right here (as he points to his jewels)
Me: What happened?
C: I need a bandaid
Me: No, you don't need a bandaid there. Did you hurt your peewee?
C: Yeah. It's broken.

HA HA HA. Steven and I had a good laugh over that one. But you know, I know I'm his mom and he's so little, but it's a little creepy when he comes to me trying to pull it out to tell me to put a bandaid on it. I felt kind of mean telling him he doesn't need a bandaid there, and I don't need to see it!


Lost: So we went to Houston this weekend. Had a good trip, spent one night with my mom which was good. We went over to the Woodlands since it's been years since I've been over there. I can't believe how much it's grown! But you know, as much as it's grown, the roads and area are also the same.

We had to take two cars cuz I got a lot of kids. Leaving the mall, all the guys were in one car and all the girls in mine. Of course, the guys--or Ed--told me to follow him back to the house. Cuz of course they could get us there. They even told me to stop for gas and they'd get out and pump it for me. Macho Men.

Anyway, so being the dutiful wives that we are, we faithfully followed our husbands out of the mall. Now we needed to go out of the mall drive, hit the Woodlands pky and take that to the interstate. Not hard, right? They took us further and further and further into the Woodlands, and of course it was like 7:00, so it's totally dark outside. And we know they are lost. They know we know they are lost, and we call them and are told that they're pretty sure that we can hit the interstate somehow if we just go a little further. HA! I am NOT falling prey to the male don't-stop-for-directions-cuz-I-know-it-all-and-am-too-cool-for-that crap. I told my mom I was not following them anymore and we'd find our own way out.

Well, mom lives in Houston, so she claims to know her way, so I started letting her direct. You have to know my mom. She's directionally challenged. Always has been. I've been navigating her since I was tiny. So you'd think I'd know better.

Back to the story--I pulled a u-ey and turned around to go back the way we came. And my dear mother is sure she knows how to go. So she tells me. And I follow. But we get further into yet another part of the woodlands--and not any commercial part! So I tell her once again, I'm gonna u-ey and go back. I find my way to some main looking road and she says take a right. So I do. Then as soon as we do, she says, no left. So I u-ey around. I gotta say, she at least found us the Woodland Pky we needed to be on. Once again, though, she sends me in one direction before telling me to turn around we needed to go the other way. So long story short, I finally "exploded" telling her, "Stop. I'm not listening to any of yall anymore. Neither you nor Ed can find your way around. You are both alike. You can get lost anywhere. It's amazing you even found each other."

And I made an executive decision and found us the interstate all by my out-of-towner self. Cause I am good.