Jolly Shopping

Today was the first Saturday we had free all month long, and we spent it finishing up our shopping. Crazy idea, I know, since every other idiot out there was doing the same thing. I could not believe the traffic. And it's funny, we saw a "fender bender" while we were sitting in traffic coming out of the shopping area. Three cars were pulled over as far as they could go off the road, which was a joke in itself since there was no shoulder. And as we were sitting in the non-moving traffic right next to the "wreck" we noticed something strange: THERE WAS NO DAMAGE!!! Nothing. Not a scratch. Yet these geniuses were blocking a whole lane of traffic waiting on the cops to show. Seriously. Not a dent. Amazing.

On to Target. Not too much to report there, except it was amazingly well stocked compared to Toysrus, which was almost completely sold out. Target was good, except for the DISGUSTING experience of someone farting right next to me. I have heard jokes of that happening, even joked about it myself. But never have I experienced it!! Oh, it was TERRIBLE!!!!!!! And the dude was just walking around like nothing happened. I guess that's how you save face: just act like nothing's unusual and maybe no one will notice. Well I did, and YUCK.

And to make my day more interesting, we ended up at Sams. It was the absolute worst Sams experience I have ever had. I went in by myself since we only needed some shrimp and bottled water. I had my card out to get in the store with, and put the card in my pocket when I was done. Every SLOW person in the entire metro area was in Sams tonight. It was awful. But finally I managed to get everything I needed, and I stood in line at the check out and finally got to the front only to find THAT MY CARD FELL OUT OF MY POCKET!!!!!!! AAAAHHHHHHH!!!

So I backtracked with all the slow people through the whole store to see if I could find it. Of course it wasn't there, because that would be too easy. So I got to experience the grand customer service of Sams. I had to stand in a line, that wouldn't even be there if more than 2 people behind the counter would have been doing their JOB. There were like 5 behind the counter and 2 working. The rest were just there. FINALLY one of them decided to help me, after like 5 or so minutes of me staring them down. I had to report my card lost, so they issued me a new one. Which meant I had to take a new picture. With my hair not fixed or anything. Oh well. Because then I got to go stand in a whole new line again to check out. And you'll never guess what happened there. The lady at the next line FARTED ON ME!!! Seriously, I have never experienced this before, and for some reason I am a fart magnet today. And it was one of those horrible silent but deadly ones. And she could have been aiming at me, the angle between us was so perfect. Even my cashier commented on the awful smell.

And of course we needed to buy our cokes at Sams, and of course the stupid registers were out of cups, so I had to stand in yet ANOTHER great line at the concession counter. Where only one person was working. (Remember the efficiency of the extra people standing around at the customer service counter? They wouldn't help here either.) Every person in front of me was ordering like dinner for their whole families, and I only needed TWO CUPS! And once I got them, the ice was about out, the coke syrup was out, and they were OUT OF LIDS!!!!!

Here's my miracle: They were out of lids the first time I looked. I was so disgusted I was going to just throw the cups away and leave. I was SO sick of Sams at this point. And I just thought, "Oh please, Heavenly Father." And I glanced again, and there were two lids there. Just two. And I just felt relieved.

So now Sams is over, and we are home. But the day is not a bust. I got a great new table in my front entry way with two new lamps and a new vase. I hit the jackpot! Merry Christmas Me!!!

And Merry Christmas to you too!


P.S. As I am finishing this, Jacob, sitting in Steven's lap, just farted on his dad. What is up with that today? At least it is not on me this time!!!! hehehe